Because I want to! Forming the Will of our Children (part 3)

​How can we foster
Virtues in our children?

David Isaacs a British educator suggests the following:
When children are young: EDUCATE IN THE DOING. 
What does it mean? It means requiring them to DO THINGS.
You have to MAKE them repeat good acts. This is what I meant earlier that you grow in virtue by the demand of another person. Remember you are your child’s parent, not a friend. You don’t always have to reason things out with them –specially when they are little- but you have to demand that they do what you have asked.
He suggests to: 
1. BE VERY DEMANDING IN FEW THINGS 
2. NOT DEMAND MANY THINGS AT THE SAME TIME    
For example your 1st grader should make his/her bed. First, you’ll have to show him the correct way, he might not do it perfectly, but he will improve.

When educating in the DOING, an important point is to know how to give orders correctly:
To give an order you:

1. Have them in front of you –you have to move or ask them to come to you. If not, they know they still have 4 more minutes of tv if you yell: turn off tv! Until you go bananas! Many times our kids don't obey because we don't have them in front of us and we yell.
2. Order has to be: clear, precise and about only one thing. There very few kids that can handle many orders at the same time.
3. Say: “Do it now”
4. Verify they have done it.

Also, remember that If you ask for something that they can’t do it is better not to demand it. For example, don't ask your 7 year old to fix the motorcycle or your 3 year old to trim the bushes.

​Since children are young, it is important to get them used to the idea that doing things well, being good, is a prize in itself. It is the joy of having done something good. And as a consequence, they do things because they want to.

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When children are older and are used to receiving material rewards, you cannot change tactics from one day to the other. You have to do it little by little and talk about these topics with them, to make them aware of their importance.

It is not that you may never give a material reward to your children. The key is not to attach them only to a good action, or good behavior. For ex. you may say: I bought you this board game or this toy because I love you a lot, or for us to have fun together, or because today is the feast day of your saint, or the feast day of such and such. ​

To reward or not to reward.
​THAT is the question.

Motivated Education

When thinking about Motivation what comes to mind are rewards and punishments. It is true that this is a direct way to motivate the will of the persons in one way. However, is it good to punish? What is the best way to offer a reward?
Rewards and punishments are efficient if they are used “adequately”. We can use them but first we have to know when, how and where.

This table shows what it is called Leveled Motivation. Let me give you first an example of how this works in a company, in the business world. If one employee wants to earn more money, a problem in the material level, the solution has to come from the same level, raise the salary. If you say that you will provide free training (level 2) or you appeal to the spirit of sacrifice or loyalty to the company, those solutions will not solve the problem. When there is a problem in one area, the solution has to come from the same level where the problem originated. To look for it in another level, does not solve it.

Let’s look at some examples of leveled motivation in education.

First Level: Johnny breaks a vase while playing with a ball in the living room. The problem is from the third level –disobedience- and also material, broke a vase. So, as a punishment it will be good for him to pay for a new vase with his own money.
Mary, tutors her younger brother in math half an hour every day. It is ok to pay her with money.

Second level: Susan has failed a physics tests, so her punishment is to stay home studying until she finishes the lesson she failed. Problem is in level 2 and punishment also. This is correct. If her punishment is to stay studying all weekend and misses an all day hike with his friends –level 1, she cannot go and have fun with his friends. You may achieve the goal of not letting her out but you don’t really know if she is studying all day long.
Sam has gotten good grades and you buy him a book he likes. Both are in level 2, and help Sam to learn.

Third level: Ann has not studied for the geography test because she didn’t want to or didn’t tidy up her room because she is lazy, these are both problems in level3. You need to motivate her to change her attitude and reason with her about her bad attitude. So you need to talk to her when she is happy and peaceful. Reason with her about the importance of doing things well, reinforce her self esteem. “I know you can do it because you are a great kid!” Take note of her first positive change. After you clarified the motives about the importance of doing this well, there is no problem if you want to punish her with a material punishment if she repeats this bad behavior. 

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The contents of this lecture were taken from different sources: 
Educar la Voluntad by Fernando Corominas
​Several lectures given by David Isaacs